


To lose a friend

by Fangirlmoon



Series: To build a home [4]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Autism, Autistic Spencer Reid, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:47:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29461497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlmoon/pseuds/Fangirlmoon
Summary: After Emily's death Morgan and Spencer are on a rough part. Morgan doesn't make it better by getting caught searching Spencer's room for drugs._________This is an AU in which Morgan and Reid share a house (as friends). The parts can be read independently.
Relationships: Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid
Series: To build a home [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2155380
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you have trouble visualizing the house:
> 
> https://pin.it/1hps1Kl

"Were are you going?" Morgan asks stepping out of his office when he hears Spencer getting his keys.

"None of your fucking business, Morgan."

"You are leaving the house in the middle of the night,it kinda is my business."

"It isn't." With that he slams the front door and is out of the house. To say they are on a rough path would be a very friendly way of describing how they are. Morgan is blaming herself for Emily's death and is not being very interested in hiding his anger and pain at home nor make an effort to talk to Reid and Reid was the opposite. Openly crying most of the time, saying that he misses her and showing that he needs someone to comfort him but Morgan wasn't providing it. And nobody was blaming him, but Spencer had a hard time being around Morgan when he was like this. 

"Spencer don't." Annoyed Morgan had grabbed the cup out of Spencer's hand this afternoon when he played with it. They were trying to cook something and Morgan was reading the recipe. 

"Sorry." It took a few seconds and he started tapping his fingers against the counter.

"Stop it." When he heard a noise for the third time he snapped. "I will cook this alone. Just do something else."

"The point was that we do something together." Spencer says disappointed.

"I don't have the nerve for it just let me do this so we can eat." 

Now Morgan was standing in the empty house again, and Spencer had run of for the third time this week and that in the middle of the night. 

He waited for him to come home but he didn't so he approaches him at the office the next morning. "Were the hell have you been?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Of course it does, I was worried."

"Oh really?" Spencer asks sarcastically. "No offense but you have a funny way of showing it."

"I was up all night waiting for you."

"Well I didn't ask you too."

When Spencer left the house again the next night and Morgan was laying in his own bed he took the chance and went down one floor and opened the door to Spencer's office,searching the whole room systematically for dilaudid or anything else Reid could be taken. He wasn't fooling anyone he knew that he started with the office because that would be the last option of his three own rooms were it could be. If he really finds something he know it will destroy him. He doesn't know if he can handle dealing with that on top of his grief. Next one was his bathroom. Carefully he checked everything there was a chance something could be hidden. He took down the mirror, checked the inside of the old shampoo bottles in the shower and the shelf under the sink but despite the realization that this is were Morgan's towels went nothing. So he went into the last room his bedroom and started checking under the mattress, in his nightstand, in the bag next to it. Behind the books, and on the shelf because it was messy enough for drugs to be laying just on top of it and not being seen. And then he went through the drawers when Spencer was standing in the door. "What are doing?"

"Spencer" He cut himself off. He was so convinced Spencer was as the last nights gone all night he didn't even hear him come home. "I am-"

"What are looking for?"

"I-I-"

"You know what? Don't say it." Spencer takes one step towards him and places the white plastic back in his hands. "Because I think I know the answer and before you say it, in that bag is your favourite food from your favourite thai place because you haven't eaten anything since we got home so I decided to surprise you."

"You leave the house nearly every night what was I suppose to think?"

"That I am better than this."

"This has nothing to do with being better. It would have been understandable if you had relapsed-"

"I didn't."

"Then I trust you." Spencer steps aside gesturing for Morgan to leave him alone. "You want something too?"

"No."

"I am sorry,I just had to know." With that the door was slammed into his face and while the first few bites felt good, the rest was just a reminder of how bad he felt. So he ate maybe a half of it before going to bed but he stepped in front of Spencer's room for a second. There was this little part of him screaming to never trust an addict when it comes to the question if they are using again and the even bigger part to go in and hold him, through his grief but it was his fault. If he would have been just a little bit faster,if he would have spend less time being mad at her maybe he could have saved her so he leaves Spencer alone and goes to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have trouble visualizing the house:
> 
> https://pin.it/1hps1Kl

"Derek?"

"Yeah what's up?" JJ was standing in the doorway of his office.

"Can we talk?"

"Of course. Close the door behind you." She does and then sits down in the chair in front of his desk. "What is it?"

"I want you to know that Spencer was with me when he was not at yours. He told me what happened yesterday and asked me to tell you this. I can't count for every night but he was with me on Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday this week. Were this the nights he was gone?"

"Yeah and yesterday-"

"To grab you dinner from across town." JJ reminds him with a scolding look on his face. "Look Derek I get it, I am worried sick about him too but I am also worried about you. You have never acted this way around him. And it's okay, you don't have to also be there for him when you are just barely getting by but don't make it even harder on the both of you."

"I am not- I am not intentionally making things harder." Morgan bits out, tears in his eyes. 

"I know but the next time you yell at him for walking on the grass and not on the pavement maybe think about if that's necessary." She tells him with a wink making him snore.

"Its expensive you know." He springs on the joke. "Thank you, for telling me this. Would you mind just texting me if he stays the night?"

"Of course." 

It didn't really better itself,Morgan tried to be more patient and to listen more to Spencer again but it wasn't really what he could keep up yet so somehow they went back to barely talking till Morgan walks down the stairs and stops when he sees Reid sitting on his bed, dressed in his jacket and shoes but, looking back and forth while holding himself tight. "Spencer?"

"I am sorry,I am so sorry."

"What's wrong?" 

"My backpack." Concerned Morgan picks it up and finds what he was hoping not to find. Two phials and a pack of needles. 

"Did you-"

"No." Relived Morgan puts the stuff back in and brings the backpack into the corridor before turning his attention back to Spencer. "I swear to you I only bought it, I didn't take anything."

"I believe you, it's alright."

"I wanted it really really bad and then I bought it and I brought it here because- I am so sorry."

"You did the right thing coming here. I will get rid of it."

"I am so sorry."

"I know, listen I am not mad." Insecure Morgan moves his hands up to Spencer's face, cupping his cheeks lightly while being on one knee in front of him. "Listen kid,I am not mad but you need to promise me you didn't take anything and if you did, I also wouldn't be mad as long as you tell me. I need to know that you are safe."

"I didn't."

"Promise?"

"Yes, yes, I promise." 

"Good,then I will get rid of the stuff you bought and you get dressed for bed, I will be right back." Slowly he gets up and waits for Spencer to take of his jacket so Morgan can take it. "Are the ones in the backpack the only ones?"

"Yes." Morgan does what he promised and when he came back Spencer was sitting on top of his bed looking up to him with his tear streamed face.

"Do you want me to call JJ?"

"No, I'll be fine." 

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I am okay now." 

"Spencer-"

"Its gone right?"

"Yeah, you won't be able to get it back." 

"Good than I am okay." Insecure Morgan leaves Spencer after he lays down on his bed pulling the blanket on top of him. He leaves the door upstairs open so he can hear if Spencer leaves but after an hour of turning he gives in, and walks back down into Spencer's room. "What's wrong?"

"You mind if I sleep here?"

"No." Spencer makes room for Morgan to come in the bed with him and immediately moves into his personal space ones he was settled down. "I am not mad at you you know that right?"

"What?"

"For what happened with Emily, I could never blame you." The younger agent whispers, his head on Morgan's chest not seeing how the tears immediately shot into Morgan's eyes.

"Thank you."

"I wish I could have said goodbye."

"I know, I am sorry you didn't get the chance."

"Do you think she is laughing about us sometimes? Like she did when she was alive? That she is just watching us from above?" Spencer asks.

"Yeah, yeah, like when you fell over that stone the other day?"

"Yes."

"I like to think she still does."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language so I am sorry if some mistakes make you want to clean your eyes with bleach.


End file.
